xdramax blogging at elowel.org
I resolve to... 01-01-06 12:24
Shit I don't know. Here's my list of NYRs so far:
1. Save more money
2. Be more open
3. Stop being a part of the rumor mill.
4. (of course) Lose 10.
5. Learn to be a better Girlfriend.

So that's the list as of 12:23 pm on January 1st 2006. =) We're going to the beach tomorrow... Should be fun if it's demi nice. I'm excited. We've been together about 4 months now... I still think that he plans on breaking up with me. I just don't know when or why. Probably just as soon as he gets his car and a job n shit... That would just figure. Oh well. If it happens it happens and if it doesn't then I'm an asshole and I've been incorrectly speculating this whole time. Oops. =)

xs n os for a bright new year

So, basically, my whole world is just... dead right now. Thomas more or less told me that he didn't think we were going to stay together forever. Which is unlikely anyway but it didn't need to be voiced. So, I figure, if he plans on breaking up with me eventually, why stay in a relationship at all? If you're not in it to win it, why try? I suppose I should fill you in on the story. I asked him today to tell me why a person would even begin a relationship when they know that they're not in it for monogamy. He told me that it was like being torn between two people. Like when you don't want to break up with someone because you don't want their whole world crashing down around them. AND THEN he said "It'll happen to you one day. It happens to everyone." Am I reading too far into things or is that, between the lines, saying that eventually we WILL break up? Or is he saying he thinks I'm going to cheat on him???? *GOD* boys think we're hard to understand... I just don't know what to think. And his FUCKING EX GIRLFRIEND... OOooo I just wanna beat that dumb bitch with a frying pan or something. I don't know why, but whenever I hear about her, my blood instantly starts to boil. And she KEEPS CALLING. And talking to me on Myspace.... Its really starting to affect me and if it keeps happening its going to impede in our relationship. I just don't know what to do. I don't know if I should just... stop dating him now, if I should keep going on thinking that he's going to leave me for Elizabeth.. just... Someone just shoot me.
at work. joy. 11-19-05 09:55
its saturday. I've been here since seven in the AM. meh. that's only 3 hours. I guess I really don't have anything to complain about. Except this: Thomas' crazy psychotic call him 10 times a day exgirlfriend (yeah, i know, it makes me mad, i just don't say anything because... well... she's a psychotic exgirlfriend and he still ends up in my bed every night. so there) messaged me on myspace this morning. I mean, it wouldn't have bothered me if she hadn't said "hey, are you dating a guy named Tom? Get back to me, thanks." Its like she went 100% out of her way to dig around for me specifically on myspace... and the fact that she found me is even MORE discerning. I had no choice but to lie to her. She would have continued to stalk me and... yikes. Just from the way thomas talks about her... i want nothing to do with her. She gives girls named Elizabeth a bad name (that Liz effortlessly makes up for =P). YIKES. she scares me. So I told Thomas anyway, and he flliiippppeeddd oouutttt. big time. Just... ACK its already a stressful day and the sun's barely risen! I just need to relax.

xs n os.
*insert title here* 11-13-05 08:46
Oioioioi. I had a dream about every last one of my 3 exboyfriends last night. (Liz you were there too!) it was suuuper strange... but only because i woke up cuddled next to Thomas. Uhhh... i swear, my subconcious secretly drops acid before it kicks in. seriously. my dreams are completely psychotic. In this dream, I was driving my *cough yeah right* 67 candy apple red shelby mustang with John (most recent ex) in the passenger seat. we got out at this.... i don't even know. it was like a massive beach house, football game, party thinger, and Brandon (the first) and Liz were walking down the steps. I was holding hands with john and brandon saw me and stopped n said "hey babe whats up? Who the fuck is this chump?" I told him to fuck off and kept walking but eventually ditched john and found Brian (the middle one) and gave him the keys and asked him if he was ready to go... all the while theres this massive orgy going on around... god it was wierd... >.<
anyway. I'm at work. I'm by myself. Its not even 8 in the morning. And i'm not out of here until 3.

o.o 11-08-05 13:01
Its my first one.. I'm a wee bit frightened. I probably wont have time to keep this thing alive. I'll mostly use it to leave Liz comments, since I'm too scared to on her myspace.
I don't think I have anything else to say.
I'm going shopping... >.<
Hello, 12-27-05 18:45
My name is xdramax. I'm new to elowel. WOAH I DIDN'T KNOW I POSTED THIS ONE!!! nifty noodles. ugh. UGH UGH UGH i want to just believe that he is perfect. one hundred percent perfect and i just don't think it's go ing to happen.... grr.